Ain't Nothing Perfect
Yesterday I was down in the outer wastelands of Parma, wandering through a bland strip-mall when I came upon this enormous sign. This was by far the biggest Bingo sign I'd ever seen, boasting of instant gratification and 6-day availability, obviously providing the nearby parish with plenty of funding.
I frowned, I scowled, -- then I said to myself, what did you expect? In an area rife with capitalistic opportunism and exploitation, oozing with shifty-eyed loiterers and disinterested cops lazily walking their beats, with thrift stores, pawn shops, martial-arts schools and obvious front businesses and restaurants, all grown-up like toadstools after the acid rain of urban decay, with the putrid stench of adult bookstores and consumer electronics outlets filling the nostrils and driving out all memory of the permanent things, the crawling filth seeping from......
Crunchy me. Where was I?
Oh, yes, Parma. I wondered, are the refreshments better at Orthodox Bingo than the Catholic ones? Not being a Bingo-kind-of-guy I would have no point of comparison. Certainly either would have to be better than at a Southern Baptist Bingo, if there could be such a thing, at least to my sophisticated Yankee tastes. I don't know if Anglicans do Bingo either, although their founder was known to be an "avid gambler and dice player".
But anyway, after snapping the picture with my trusty Treo, I went into a great little thrift store and bought a knick-knack shelf for $2.14, tax included.
I frowned, I scowled, -- then I said to myself, what did you expect? In an area rife with capitalistic opportunism and exploitation, oozing with shifty-eyed loiterers and disinterested cops lazily walking their beats, with thrift stores, pawn shops, martial-arts schools and obvious front businesses and restaurants, all grown-up like toadstools after the acid rain of urban decay, with the putrid stench of adult bookstores and consumer electronics outlets filling the nostrils and driving out all memory of the permanent things, the crawling filth seeping from......Crunchy me. Where was I?
Oh, yes, Parma. I wondered, are the refreshments better at Orthodox Bingo than the Catholic ones? Not being a Bingo-kind-of-guy I would have no point of comparison. Certainly either would have to be better than at a Southern Baptist Bingo, if there could be such a thing, at least to my sophisticated Yankee tastes. I don't know if Anglicans do Bingo either, although their founder was known to be an "avid gambler and dice player".
But anyway, after snapping the picture with my trusty Treo, I went into a great little thrift store and bought a knick-knack shelf for $2.14, tax included.
posted by Pauli at 10:52 AM
18 Comments:
Paulooch,
Ya know the outfit is skimmin about 15% right off the top at St. Nicki's. A couple of the knights work in another organization.
Xackly.
hey pauli, your post is positively dripping with ... a sense of humor. that's not very Christian of you, cuz don't you know that Jesus didn't have a sense of humor? He never got angry either. nope! ne'er a harsh word.
it's just a shame, all these catholics getting annoyed and cracking jokes. i'll pray for you.
Well, Kathleen, this is a parody site, you know. This post is my attempt at a "Return to Roots".
Another ironical aspect of my excursion was that Motown song "Ain't that peculiar" was playing on outdoor speakers in the plaza. I don't have any idea why, but to me Motown goes with thrift stores like peanut butter and jelly.
isn't there a greek or russian word for bingo? a mellifluous, exotic word that would better denote the "the fellowship, the prayerfulness, the feeling of family" than just b.i.n.g.o.?
Hey, catholic blogger Mark Shea says our site is "rank with sulfur". meaning we are eeeeevil. (well, maybe just me)
I would love to tell M Shea what i smell on large portions of his site, but I'm too polite, and anyway I don't have all the requisite diagnostic and therapeutic vocabulary. and I can't tell him on his site because i've been [cue the reverb] "banned'.
so to Mark Shea, and all persons who visit here despite a perceived rank smell of sulfur: The objections you raise make for a cute little "I'm a better person than you" dance, but the fact is if you weren't enjoying this site, you wouldn't be visiting. It's called complicity, and if you think we are really headed for hades you should (and would) logoff asap.
diane it's called logrolling. i'm not in a position to further mark shea's career -- or so Shea believes -- like rod is. if it's just a catholic housewife he is bashing, instead of someone who works in journalism, well, no reason to hold back.
I think Mark Shea must have a very worn out pair of gloves next to his computer keyboard. They are worn out from putting them on and removing them so often. He deals with people he's fond of very delicately whereas if he doesn't care much for you or doesn't get your sense of humor he starts spitting invectives displaying the liberal tendency of accusing you of doing what he's doing. ("Quit name-calling you, you jerk you!") Selective condemnation par excellence.
I use to really enjoy Mark's stuff, but his cred is flushed, IMO.
Kathleen, good theory. But didn't you tell me you threw a few hundred bucks Mark's way during his recent Jerry Lewis-style internet telethon? He couldn't have forgotten that already!
Or was that someone else?
It's here. Except Shea refers to it as the "Crunchy Con" blog by accident. Whatever.
I hate to have to explain to Chavez and Shea-vez that sulfur is odorless (Hello?) -- that they must mean sulfur-based compounds, maybe hydrogen sulfide? Embarrassing.
Shea-vez -- hey, that's not bad....
that's right bubba. chavez called Bush "el diablo". that is so much more authentic sounding than "satan", don't you think? "el diAHbloooooooo"
sorry i keep calling ray/rod "rod". it's BENEDICT. i'll try to remember that. it's just so confusing, what with the pope having the same name, and the two being so closely aligned in my head. lol
Paulino
Is that the Saint Nick’s where Father Angelo got in trouble because he tried to sneak in a Prosciutto and 4 jars (la Jara) of wine into the federal penitentiary when he was visiting his Uncle Sal?
If the freakin guards were katlick they wouldn’t of checked under his cassock!
K
"..just a catholic housewife ..."
Catholic housewives are heroic, especially when they put the law career in the closet for a couple years.
"I know I act differently around people who have an impact on my ability to care for my family."
SVS, yeah that's normal. but being a graceless clod about it -- i.e., being obviously obsequious and polite to one person while trashing the next on the least provocation -- is not normal, or mature, or reasonable.
and of course, whether or not there should be "professional catholics" in the first place is an issue -- for me anyway. personally, i prefer to get my catholic apologetics from those who don't have books to sell, hits to count, talks to give.
thanks cube.
Pikkumatti, how dare you suggest that I shop at that horrrrrrrrible place!
No, actually it's a legit thrift store called "Sarah's" or something. Besides, I confessed months ago to the sin of buying a crèche for $6.95 at Walmart. It was made in Thailand and EVERYONE in it was a redhead, even the black wise man.
And to Kathleen's earlier point, Jesus would have to have a sense of humor to see some of the religious kitsch in those 2nd-hand places. But I've actually found some really good religious items like an iron crucifix heavy enough to put Dracula out of commission or at least a garden variety burglar.
Parma, sadly, is becoming a wasteland. Do you know if it's true that Parma Heights originally split off from Parma to get away from that "wild" city, or is that an urban legend.
By the way, I enjoyed reading the comments; I just have nothing useful to add. :)
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