About them Reagan Democrats

Soccer moms, angry white males, security moms, Nascar dads... these trends come and go faster than Eurovision acts. But it's a measure of the man that 25 years later we're still talking about those Reagan Democrats. Kerry and Bush both pleaded their cases in 2004, and these legendary Bud-swilling, Ford-driving, Winston-smoking factory workers are a (the?) leading reason for the candidacies of both McCain and Giuliani.

So of course Bruce Frohnen had to stake his claim on behalf of the Crunchies.

Everyone twirls the ends of their mustaches coming up with theories to "explain" the voting patterns of Reagan Democrats. Naturally these theories validate the position of whichever side advances them.

Well, here's my theory and it's really simple. Reagan Democrats don't vote for weenies. Let's go to the videotape!

1980- Carter: Definitely a weenie. The fact that he was a USN sub captain does not make me think more of Carter, it makes me think less of the US Navy.

1984- Mondale: Complete and utter weenie. In case anyone doubted how big a weenie he was, his vice president was a man named Geraldine.

1988- Dukakis: "Weenie" is the only word in Webster's which does not have a written definition. Instead, they just print a copy of the picture.

1992- Clinton: "Wiener" is only one letter away from "Winner." 'nuff said.

2000- Gore: Realizing the error of running a candidate whom nearly every man in America would love to go out for beers with, the party of Andrew Jackson selects the guy voted "Most Likely to Turn Into Dean Wormer" in college.

2004- Kerry: Because they had such good luck with Hurricane Al, this time around they went for Greg Marmalard. Paging Webster's, your new picture is ready.

The Reagan Democrats have as much to do with the Democrats as they do with Reagan. Like Dubya he may have been all hat and no cattle, but at least he could wear the hat without looking like a damn jackass or reminding you of needle-nosed schmuck in Payroll who kept sending half your check to the IRS and the other half to you ex-wife. The Reagan Democrats are just another pack of superficial nitwits whose asses have been kissed way too often.